If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I wish i was in the wii world.
So many bounce houses so little time
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
