i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
