and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
