Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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