I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
