she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I just want nice things and good sex
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
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