I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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