Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
