So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
