did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
