2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
