I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Randomize
