he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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