I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
