I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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