he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
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And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
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Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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