Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
