when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
