The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
