absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Randomize
