Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
