I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
