got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
