Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
