New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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