Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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