I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
The Olympian is in my bed
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
