I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
