I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
