Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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