its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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