you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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