you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
