I cockslap morals
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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