I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
the day after is always just damage control
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
