It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
that may or may not have been my penis.
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