Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
