I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
