My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
