And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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