lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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