In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
