I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
