my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
