you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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