I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
