Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
