HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
