Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
