My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
She made me pour olive oil on her.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
