i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
