An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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