Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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