He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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