I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
