im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
