don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
