I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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