He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
