apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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