Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
