theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I fill condoms, not promises.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
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