there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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