today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize