Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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