oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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