do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
