Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
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Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
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Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize